If you are interested in firing up someone's mind without making it obvious that you are trying to control them, you need to learn the technique of persuasion - but also to pay attention to its counterpart: manipulation.
When we are interested in making someone think as we do, we need to make sure that that person doesn't feel that they are under our control. There is, as you may know, a thin line between these two things: persuasion and manipulation. You need to concentrate on the first and avoid the latter.
In order to successfully persuade someone, we need to sway them to do something for us. But manipulation involves deceit in accomplishing this goal, therefore, it should be avoided.
What differentiates manipulation and persuasion comes down to the question of motives. If your are principled, you are not going to come across as a manipulator.
There are many strategies of persuasion that do not get bogged down into manipulation. The first is to make sure you know how to say what you want to say. Just let people know what you want, what your purpose is. Speak up. Share your ideas.
Have you always wanted a big birthday party? Tell your friends that this is something you want, that this would make you happy. They'll get the message.
Second, did you know that your friends and relatives tend to reflect your own values? Yes, if you are generous, for example, they'll be generous, too.
Also, listen watchfully to what your friends or relatives are saying. See if you can tell whether they have wants or needs. This way you'll know whether there is something you could do to help them. Then when it's your turn to need something, they will be happy to rise to the occasion.
Third, be sure to use words of a optimistic nature when you address others. Don't make people believe that gifts or favors will not be rewarded.
Third, using the good word or sharing good deeds with others will also stand you in good stead. Don't believe that your gifts will not be appreciated.
If you are always displeased when things don't go the way you want them to go, you won't be the fun person who is perceived as unselfish and therefore deserving of appreciation. So if anyone ever does something for you or gives you a gift, say "thank you" to show that you welcome the gesture. This will show that you are capable of gratitude, and this will go a long way in your favor.
So avoid being the type of person who is always dissatisfied. This way you are never going to be any fun and people will perceive you as selfish and won't ever give you any nice words of appreciation. So when someone gives you a bequest or does you a favor, be sure to thank them for it, make sure they know that you value what they gave you or have done for you. Showing yourself as appreciative will go a long way in showing you in a bright light.
Though life is not always a bowl of cherries, it's pleasant to have people on our side when we are overwhelmed by the demands of work or feel depressed or tired. If such situations make your friends hesitant in your presence to see what they can do for you, get out of the way for the time being. But do call your friends or send them an e-mail rather than try to keep them attached to you in times that are trying.
Life isn't always smooth sailing. Most of the time we are pressured, distressed, exhausted or just too despondent, but a warm touch or a nice gesture will suddenly make it all worth while. But when you are in a real down-time, you should stay away form people. Though it's a good idea to pick up the phone or send an instant message so people know you are still there but just don't want to annoy them with your problems.
In summary: people will be ready to do something to aid you when you are down and out provided you have not locked yourself away from them, and have followed the counsel given above.
The only way to get assistance or to provide it is to know what's needed or wanted. Just make sure that you don't abuse people or let them abuse you.
Learn how to apply the techniques of persuasion to fire up a mind and make friends. Expand your horizons. Don't be a bringer of bad news.
When we are interested in making someone think as we do, we need to make sure that that person doesn't feel that they are under our control. There is, as you may know, a thin line between these two things: persuasion and manipulation. You need to concentrate on the first and avoid the latter.
In order to successfully persuade someone, we need to sway them to do something for us. But manipulation involves deceit in accomplishing this goal, therefore, it should be avoided.
What differentiates manipulation and persuasion comes down to the question of motives. If your are principled, you are not going to come across as a manipulator.
There are many strategies of persuasion that do not get bogged down into manipulation. The first is to make sure you know how to say what you want to say. Just let people know what you want, what your purpose is. Speak up. Share your ideas.
Have you always wanted a big birthday party? Tell your friends that this is something you want, that this would make you happy. They'll get the message.
Second, did you know that your friends and relatives tend to reflect your own values? Yes, if you are generous, for example, they'll be generous, too.
Also, listen watchfully to what your friends or relatives are saying. See if you can tell whether they have wants or needs. This way you'll know whether there is something you could do to help them. Then when it's your turn to need something, they will be happy to rise to the occasion.
Third, be sure to use words of a optimistic nature when you address others. Don't make people believe that gifts or favors will not be rewarded.
Third, using the good word or sharing good deeds with others will also stand you in good stead. Don't believe that your gifts will not be appreciated.
If you are always displeased when things don't go the way you want them to go, you won't be the fun person who is perceived as unselfish and therefore deserving of appreciation. So if anyone ever does something for you or gives you a gift, say "thank you" to show that you welcome the gesture. This will show that you are capable of gratitude, and this will go a long way in your favor.
So avoid being the type of person who is always dissatisfied. This way you are never going to be any fun and people will perceive you as selfish and won't ever give you any nice words of appreciation. So when someone gives you a bequest or does you a favor, be sure to thank them for it, make sure they know that you value what they gave you or have done for you. Showing yourself as appreciative will go a long way in showing you in a bright light.
Though life is not always a bowl of cherries, it's pleasant to have people on our side when we are overwhelmed by the demands of work or feel depressed or tired. If such situations make your friends hesitant in your presence to see what they can do for you, get out of the way for the time being. But do call your friends or send them an e-mail rather than try to keep them attached to you in times that are trying.
Life isn't always smooth sailing. Most of the time we are pressured, distressed, exhausted or just too despondent, but a warm touch or a nice gesture will suddenly make it all worth while. But when you are in a real down-time, you should stay away form people. Though it's a good idea to pick up the phone or send an instant message so people know you are still there but just don't want to annoy them with your problems.
In summary: people will be ready to do something to aid you when you are down and out provided you have not locked yourself away from them, and have followed the counsel given above.
The only way to get assistance or to provide it is to know what's needed or wanted. Just make sure that you don't abuse people or let them abuse you.
Learn how to apply the techniques of persuasion to fire up a mind and make friends. Expand your horizons. Don't be a bringer of bad news.
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